The significance of daddy

It’s fair to say that some men don’t really take the time to think about what it’s like for a child to grow up without a father, especially in the black community.

Today’s a very special day to me because it’s my daughter’s 7th birthday. I have not written a blog in a while, but I want to take the time out today to write this blog, because I want the brothers to start thinking about the impact of their presence in a child’s life, as well as, their own lives. There’s quite a few angry men out there who aren’t afraid to use the lack of a father figure in their life when they were kids as an excuse, or a crutch for their failure in society. However, these same men are also turning their backs on their children today. Have they lost consciousness when it comes to parenting? Why would they want to repeat a cycle that was so detrimental to their own upbringing? Does psychology have more to do with this than we’re willing to admit?

To me, being a father wasn’t a choice, it was what I needed to do and what I wanted to be after my daughter was born. Though my own father isn’t the best example, but I can still remember the great things he brought into my life. I try to one up on him when it comes to my daughter. Whatever my father did, I want to do it ten times better. Whatever he did wrong with me, I want to correct it with my daughter. And whatever he didn’t do, I want to make sure I do it for my own child. That’s how I can improve life for my next generation. You have to set the bar higher, so that the examples are better for each new generation. It may take a few generations, but eventually things will be better and the standards will stick.

There isn’t a moment that I spend with my daughter that I’m not amazed by her. She says the darnedest things, sometimes. I learn so much from her as a man. She has changed me as a person and I know that she’s  happy that my presence is constant in her life. My daughter is very territorial when it comes to her dad. No one can touch me or say anything bad about me around her. She gives me hugs and kisses for no reason at all. I also do the same. The benefits of being a dad is not only for the well-being of the child, but also for your own well-being. I feel so much better when I’m with my daughter.

See, children look at their parents as the god and savior we are supposed to be for them. Just imagine if you grew up without your God? What if your God turned his back on you? Most people get on their knees and pray whenever they’re searching for answers to their problems, but children think parents have all the answers. When a father is not involved in a child’s life, that’s one less solution that child can find. Dads are the in-thing now, so why not be part of the trend? The only benefit that you will have is a great and loving child.

We all want our children to marry a great person, someone decent, with integrity and a lot of character. Well, we have to start rearing better children, in order for them to find better mates. Your bad examples of today can very well be their worst example for tomorrow. Let’s break the cycle and raise generation-next better!

Team light skinned VS team dark skinned

Here we are in 2014, and we’re still struggling with an issue that has kept the black community divided since the white man set foot in Africa.

While embracing the fact that the black race offers so many different hues would be beneficial to our community as a group, instead, we choose to disband ourselves and continue to engage in a prejudicial battle that was created mostly through rapes and forced relationships by our former enslavers. Sometimes I wonder what it is that doesn’t click for us psychologically. I understand that people should have their preferences when it comes to choosing a mate, but creating a new form of racism to breed a new subculture within the black race is detrimental to our development.

Our children should not be dealing with issues that our forefathers dealt with on the plantation. The House Negro vs the Field Negro philosophy should be abandoned. To be quite honest, the House Negro has carried all the different hues within our race, in order to advance his career politically.  It’s not the same house or field Negro anymore. Do the names Clarence Thomas and Herman Cain ring a bell?  Some black people are born to sell their souls for their own benefit. There’s simply nothing we can do about that. However, when people are forced to waste their breath discussing Zoe Zaldana’s not being black enough to take on the role of Nina Simone, it just seems like we’re taking two hundred steps backwards. When has Hollywood ever done a biopic using a black actor that looked remotely close to the person being portrayed? I can’t recall any.  Malcolm X was affectionately known as Red to his friends on the streets of Boston, because of his red hair, freckles and light complexion, but nobody complained that Denzel did a great job portraying him on the big screen. I’m not gonna go tit for tat and list every black biopic that has been filmed in Hollywood by an actor or actress who didn’t fit the physical description of the legend portrayed, but I do find it sad on our part that we can’t let go of that separatist state of mind among black people. It’s bad enough that we have to deal with racism from white people, and prejudice from every other race. We need to use that energy to strengthen ourselves as a people, not weaken our community through division.

If light and dark skinned blacks are having issues, what would then become of the honey complected black folks? Are they gonna be lost like the mixed children who struggle with identity crisis most of their lives? Wouldn’t it be stupid for a child born from two black parents to have to deal with  identity issues because he or she might be light brown? I’m starting to feel stupid even writing about this bullcrap. Maybe I need to stop before I fry any more brain cells.
It’s time for us to wake up and unite, in order to deal with the real issues that impact our community daily. Stop the madness already!

Pour Le Pays, Pour La Patrie is a thing of the past in Haiti.

We must understand that Haitians suffer the most devastating identity crisis known to mankind, due to illiteracy.  After watching a tape of Haitian fanatics going crazy over the national Brazilian team, I’m convinced that we have no patriots left in Haiti.  Everything non-Haitian has a better outlook. There are no more patriots left in Haiti. You’re not a patriot, my parents aren’t patriots and most people in Haiti are not patriots. You can’t be patriotic when your goal is to escape Haiti for the next destination for a better life. Brazilians and Argentinians are better to them, because they offer better results and outcome. Psychologically, we have been doomed for a while. We are a nation with no direction. Mediocrity is acceptable and no one is willing to risk their lives to enforce change. The status quo remains. White people have managed to run Haitians out of their own country. They’ve taken away their hopes, only to humiliate them when they show up on American shores.

Just think about the fact that Haitians are willing to risk their lives over the deadly waters in the Caribbean sea to reach Florida, they are willing to allow themselves to be treated like animals in countries like Brazil, the Dominican republic and more, but they’re not willing to risk their lives to change Haiti. What does that tell you about the psyche of our people? Getting elected to any political office in Haiti is a quick scheme to riches. No allegiance to the country whatsoever on the part of the politicians.
Haitians have very little to be patriotic about. Since I was a child, I have seen nothing but chaos in Haiti. Through no fault of my own, I was raised out of Haiti. My parents brought me here for a better life as a young kid, because they didn’t have the fight in them to fight for a better Haiti, as most Haitians do not. There’s no dignity, pride or anything left in Haiti. Haitians are proud abroad, while their country continues to suffer the brunt of poverty in the western hemisphere. Haitian politicians ought to be shot for not giving a damn about their country, and for stealing Haitian resources and allowing foreigners to steal whatever else remains.

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Death Of the Black Publishing Industry, Book Distributors and Bookstores.

The excitement of hitting the road with a few authors to tour the country, while visiting America’s quaint African-American bookstores has become nostalgic. No longer Am I able to reach out to some of the more tolerable author friends of mine, to ask them about the possibility of a road trip while earning some money as writers. The weekends were the most exciting. There were so many events to plan for, and so many cities to visit. Detroit, Chicago, Philadelphia, Washington DC, Jackson, Miami, Boston, Cincinnati, Los Angeles, Atlanta, Baltimore, Newark, St. Louis, Richmond and so many other cities welcomed us with open arms. As authors, we shared our personal experiences with each other on the road, because it was viable to the growth of our literary community. It seemed like the second coming of the Harlem Renaissance, but everything must come to an end at some point, right? Many of the doors of opportunity started to close. Black bookstores are no longer a staple in our community. One by one, we saw the doors closed as each dedicated book retailer was forced to develop a new economic plan for survival sake.

Most of the black distributors have been served the same fate as well. No longer can I pull up my truck and unload dozens of cases of books at a store, while my car is illegally parked on the sidewalk somewhere in Brooklyn, Baltimore, Chicago or Philly. Those days of bringing a lookout with me to keep from getting a parking ticket are over. No more will I have to worry about carrying my infant daughter into a book distribution center, and set her down by the desk of a polite secretary, while I conduct business. Those exciting days expired. Those people have had the pleasure to witness the writer,  hustler, publisher, businessman and father that I had become. In the beginning, I thought those relationships would last a lifetime. I’d become acquainted professionally and personally with some of those people in the literary industry. Some of them are still good friends, while financial hardship forced others to become my enemy. Nonetheless, I treasure those moments that we shared together, doing business as black people, trying to create our own niche in a world dominated by white writers, publishers and distributors.

I remember when I finally received word that my company, RJ Publications, would be accepted by a major distributor. I was overcome with joy and excitement. No longer would I be restricted to just the Mom and pop bookstores, I thought. Borders, Barnes and Noble and Books A Million seemed like my gateway to financial freedom. My publishing company was flourishing. I could afford to pay new authors and offer competitive contracts like the traditional publishing companies. It felt great being able to make the dreams of many people from my community come true. The dedication was at an all time high, and the future was steps away from the shining sun. I could feel the burns of the bright future and the heat that was going to be bestowed upon me under the spotlight, and I was ready, ready to take on the world. Here comes the next mogul, I thought. I was gonna be the P Diddy of black literature. And then, all of a sudden it came to a halt. Amazon decided to stake their claim in the publishing game by introducing the Kindle. First was the burial of Borders, and next came all the independent bookstores that supported my business before the big companies came calling. I feel a bit of gratitude to those independent bookstores, because they helped me establish my name in the game. However, it was hard to make end’s meet when consignment was the name of the game. It was difficult and humbling to walk into a bookstore to find that all my books have been sold, but the owner couldn’t cut me a check owed to me.

We ignored many things that were going wrong with the industry, and at the end, we have to suffer the consequences. Some of us became complacent, while others embraced the new change that was to come. At the end of the day, I can only say that I’m still a writer, and the ride has yet to end.

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The Reality of Hate

With all the disrespect and hatred that has been spewed towards President Obama lately, I find myself hating all the racists of this country for having done whatever it is that they have done. I caught myself getting angry and turning to a hatemonger like them. One particular case that angered me was the picture depicting a disrespectful Jan Brewer with her finger in the president’s face. Another Russain lady who’s a naturalized American citizen, who can hardly speaks english, also had the nerve to question the president’s origin by filing a suit in court for Obama to prove his nationality. A white woman from another world has the right to question an American born leader, really? I say this to say that this country has been built on the backs of those people hated the most in American society, Black people.

Going all the way back to history we don’t have to dig deep to uncover hatred on the part of white people towards other groups for no reason at all. There isn’t a group of people that white people don’t hate on this planet. They’ve also created derogatory names for each group. While watching Bruce Lee’s story, I couldn’t help but notice the racism he had to overcome when he first came to this country. The Hispanics or specifically Mexican folks, have become the butt of everybody’s racist jokes. Indians from India feel the wrath as well, but none of them feel it as much as Black people. We must have the toughest skin because the hate that we experience seems to come from every race or group on this planet. Too many Indians, whites, Asians, Hispanics and so on, are either afraid of us, or they completely hate us based on the great job that white people have managed to do to sell our race as inferior and violent to the rest of the world. Even some of our black folks suffer from an  inferiority complex because of what  we have allowed white people to do to us.

Now, let’s really look at the roots of all this hatred. Why are black people hated and feared by so many people around the world? Since I’ve done a considerable amount of travelling around the world, I have a little inclination of the world’s view of us. As a matter of fact, I’ve been victimized by it, though I’ve never taken it quietly. Anyway, let’s answer the question posed at the beginning of the paragraph. I would like to believe that we’re not hated just because of the color of our skin, but because of the threat we posed and have become to a white man’s theory that we are inferior. In the beginning, we couldn’t go to college and achieve or learn the same way white people do, that theory was proven wrong by many of the brothers and sisters who have matriculated at Harvard and successfully graduated, though most of them were first generation college students. They wouldn’t accept our black athletes on college campuses because the games were too complicated for us and we didn’t have the physical ability to compete, but after so many of our pioneer athletes have demonstrated our superior athletic abilities and the courage on the basketball courts, football fields and baseball fields of every college campus across America, the bar was raised to a level white people never thought existed. The same thing would happen in medicine, business, technology  and agriculture. So ask yourself this question, what’s the reason behind the hate?

Black people not only helped build this country, we’ve also helped to keep it competitive around the world. The thousands of gold medals our black athletes have brought to the United States is comparable to no other country; the multi-billion dollar industries that Black people have helped create in sports and music is comparable to none; the strong spirit of entrepeurship that black people have brought to this country is comparable to none; the resiliency and tenacity that we have taught the world cannot be compared to none; the beautiful spirit and talent that we have brought the world is uniquely us; the creativity and innovations we have brought to the world in science, arts, music are done despite the fact that we were in bondage for 400 years. Just imagined if the playing fields had always been leveled, Black people would’ve been the leaders in every corner of this world.

The reality of hate kept this country from advancing far ahead in the world. Black people have only earned the right to vote in the last 50 years. Hatred kept us from reaching our potential back then and hatred is keeping this country from reaching its potential now. President Obama is so hated because of his race, he can’t even implement policies for the betterment of the country. Republicans have issues with the man even in areas where the country has shown progress under his leadership. The world would be a better place only if all this hatred was not a reality.

In Honor of Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted a blog about anything. However, I’ve chosen this special day to write a blog because of a man who is more important to this country than any president that we have ever had in the history of this country, to me. Not even the founding fathers of this country had the foresight, compassion, selfless attitude and character of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

One of the reasons why I’m writing this blog today is to ask, how far have we come as a society? Politics aside, can we really evaluate the progress that we have made, or have been allowed to make by white society? It’s only fair to put aside the fact that we have an African-American president in the White House because I feel his election has been part of the cleansing of white folks’ conscience, but not their true compassion towards our ability to lead. Mr. Obama has had to fight an uphill battle even with his own party since he moved into the White House.

As far as the eyes can see, we can all agree that great progress has been made by black people in American society, right? However, how near or far-sighted are we? First we must look at the industries that we dominate simply because of our genetic abilities and talents. Genetically, black people are athletically gifted, so it shouldn’t be any surprise that we have more black players in the NFL and the NBA. These two sports are highly pushed in our community because of the greater benefits to those who can exploit our talented athletes.  There were more African-American baseball players in MLB 30 years ago than there are today, why? Because there was a shift in exploitation to the Dominican Republic, Panama and other Latin countries. White folks no longer wanted to invest in baseball in our community because the money Latin players demand is significantly less than what they should be paid. Sports is a business and too many people don’t understand the profit sharing aspect of it, so they always blame the players for their demands. However, very few of these players are functioning physically well enough after retirement. We may have a lot more players playing basketball and football, but there’s only one majority black owner in the NBA, none in the NFL and Major League Baseball. Though we have seen changes in the increased hiring of minority coaches in the NFL and the NBA, the numbers remain dismal in Major League Baseball, the richest sport in America. 

Black people for no apparent reason have always had to fight for their position in American society. We have always had to prove that we’re capable and worthy in the eyes of white people. Has anything changed since the Civil Rights Movement? I really don’t think so. The phenomenon that Tebow has become in the NFL lately has only confirmed white people’s willingness to give a subpar quarterback many chances to prove himself in the once thought position that African Americans couldn’t play. It takes a special lens to be able to look at the bigger picture to understand the roots of certain prejudices and hatred in our society. Our president has been disrespected way too many times by nincompoops who shouldn’t even have a voice in the media. The dumbest president in the history of our country, George Bush the second, was never humiliated by the media even though his deficiencies were always at the forefront.

We can also look at entertainment and see the state that our music is in. Have we made any progress? Hell no. The regression of our arts is due to the capitalist push to denigrate our race and our subconscience to believe that what they dictate we are is what we will become in order to “make it.” How many times must our women be referred to as bitches and hoes before a music exec decides enough is enough? Why should they? They no longer have to call us names because we’re doing it for them. The most endearing term in black music, literature and our community has become the N word to way too many people, and it rolls off our tongues without a second thought. Referring to women as bitches and hoes is not limited to music either, just pick up any of the hottest books written by some of your favorite authors and you will find those books are laced with these words as well. Is that progress?

We can look at education. Black women have surpassed black men in high school and college. The dropout rate for black men in high school is higher than it’s ever been. Where are we going to find our next leaders if we can’t even convince them that an education is part of the process? Fewer black men are attending college, forcing black women to take on the burden of leadership, head of household, single motherhood, and caretaker. Are black women going to be the next leaders of our community? Is that fair? Is it progress? Who’s going to help raise our boys to men?

We can also talk about community and the regression is far worse. Drug use and prostitution are more rampant than before in our community. One of the primary reasons for the high rate of drug use is unemployment. The unemployment rate for Black men is almost double the national rate. Is it because the system is making it harder for black men to get jobs? Do black men lack the training and education to get hired in the job market? Even during the Civil Rights Movement black men held more jobs than they do today. We have not come a long way yet! Young black girls are forced to sell themselves into prostitution because of the enigma called materialism and drug use. The absentee fathers in the home also contribute greatly to the lack of self-esteem of these young girls. Now ask yourself, have we come a long way because we have a black president?

Why I can’t stop writing

As a youngster, I endured a lot of pain and misery. I never felt like I belonged with either side of my family. Being raised by my paternal grandmother, whom I felt sometimes resented my presence, I never felt a connection to anybody. There have been many other tragic events in my life that I can’t share publicly, but I feel that I was blessed with the talent to write for a reason. I’m not saying that I’m more special than the next person, but I’ve endured enough pain when I was younger until I graduated from college to last me a lifetime. While on campus in college, I was able to mask my pain by acting like a normal student. When I drove home on most weekends, there weren’t really any homes to go to. I mostly stayed with friends or family who felt that was the only way they could help me. I have so many stories that I have yet told, sometimes I wonder if I will be writing until I’m in my late 90’s(hoping to live that long).  The best has yet to come while I still wrestle with my personal issues. Most of the reasons that I keep writing stories about overcoming the odds is because I feel that I’ve overcome a lot in my life. I wasn’t supposed to be here living this great life that I feel I have. I should’ve been miserable and unproductive and may be even a vagabond, but my fighting spirit kept me fighting and I never stopped.

I remember when my daughter was born prematurely and the doctor told me she was going to be a quadriplegic for her entire life, it was the most painful thing that I had ever heard. She was my first and only child and I didn’t know what to do. My daughter kept fighting and I also fought for her by providing the best therapy and aftercare possible for her. I need to make her feel that she’s not alone in this world. Though her mother and I are divorced, she still needs to know that she has two loving parents and 2 comfortable homes. I’m not trying to be superdaddy, I just want to be the best parent to my daughter that I wished I had.

Also, the fact that I’ve received so may letters and emails from my readers affirming the changes that some of my books have caused in their lives, this keeps my motor running and the zeal to continue to pen the best stories possible. I wrote Neglected Souls because I felt neglected by those who were supposed to be there for me; I wrote The Most Dangerous Gang in America: The NYPD, because my fate could’ve ended like Sean Bell at the hands of police; I wrote Meeting Ms. Right because I always had dreams of finding my other half to build a family with (that didn’t work the first time around); And I wrote Ignorant Souls because I felt so many of us lack the education, knowledge and reasons why we struggle so much in our daily lives,   but after releasing those books, I found out I was not alone in my predicament. For those reasons and many more, I can’t stop writing.

I would like to thank all of you who have made this possible for me for the last 10 years. It’s been a very therapeutic journey for me and I understand it’s an ongoing process.

Why do cheaters cheat with their mates’ close friends and family members?

Freaky Friday’s here and I would like to engage you in a conversation that most people don’t want to be a part of. First of all, I need to state that my moral compass is no higher than most people, but nevertheless, I do have morals.

I often hear about cases of infidelity from the wounded mate, but it’s not often the cheater comes out and admits his/her act of cheating without trying to justify his/her bad decision. Quiet as it’s kept, there are far more cheaters out there than faithful people. Most cheaters feel a sense of validation when they cheat, because they can always blame it on something that is lacking in their personal relationship. However, if you are going to cheat, why would you cheat with someone who’s close to your mate?

I’m one of those guys who has always been against “sloppy seconds.” I’m not built for it. I always have to be first. It would be hard for me to sleep with a woman who’s in a relationship with a friend or family member. Morally, I would automatically lose respect for a woman who would knowingly try to sleep with me even if I’m just an acquiantance of her partner’s. I honestly feel people with loose morals always have some type of justification for their ill behavior. Out of the millions of people available on this planet, why would you want to focus on the ones forbidden to you?

That argument is easy enough, but when you think about it, people can only cheat with other people that they have the most access to. If the best friend is always around, chances are he/she probably knows the situation between you and your mate. Your vulnerability is their best asset and they can use it to manipulate you into thinking that they are a better option, and before you know it, you’re sobbing and sulking in the arms of the so called best friend who has now become the enemy, not just to his best friend, but also to you. If you really think about it, the best friend is actually a worst individual than the mate you’re cheating on. What kind of best friend or family member leaves himself open to the possibility of sleeping with his/her best friend’s mate?

I know that society has changed in the last few decades, but the selfish attitude that some of us carry is only going to take us in the wrong direction. Next time you’re ready to spread your legs to your mate’s best friend, or  get between the legs of your mate’s best friend, think about your lack of judgment and morals, but more importantly, you need to look at the friend and ask yourself, was he/she ever a friend to your mate to begin with?

Is 60 seconds of pleasure really worth it? It doesn’t matter how long or how hard you go at it, it comes to down to 60 seconds of pleasure when you climax. 2-3 hours of sex ends up with the same result, 60 seconds of screaming, convulsing, shaking and trembling. I’m even being generous with the 60 seconds. The ultimate goal is to climax, no nut is that golden!

You really think you know men?

Since today is Freaky Friday, I want to go back to the Friday roots and keep it freaky and steamy. However, I also want to convey a message to many of the women out there who think they know so much about men.

So it’s Friday night and he calls you up for a date and you accept, because you don’t want to be in the house alone. He’s excited about seeing you and he wants to put his all into it to ensure you have a good time. He rummages through his closet and finds the best looking slacks, shirt, shoes, belt, and even maybe his best suit to impress you. On the dresser, he reaches for his special cologne, not the one he wears everyday, but the expensive one that he only wears on special occasions. He sprays more than usual around his neck, behind his ears and wrists hoping to gain your attention when you first see him. The car has been cleaned and detailed spotless. He’s looking forward to a great time with you. He even follows up with the restaurant to make sure the reservation is intact. All he’s thinking about is being in your presence for the very first time. There’s no hard-on or any bulge in his pants yet, he’s excited about the first date and wants to get to know you.

Finally, he’s at your door and you’re still not ready. He gives you an extra 15 minutes, but he’s a little agitated because he worked hard to get the reservation at the restaurant. You finally emerge from the bedroom after he’s been sitting in your livingroom, assessing your decorating style, your cleanliness and your sense of time and responsibility. Later on, they will all play a factor in his decision to continue on with courting you. You look sexy as hell and your tardiness is all but forgotten. He’s happy to see that you look so good. He asks to use your bathroom before he leaves. He relieves himself and quickly heads out to the restaurant with you to make it on time. You have small talk in the car, but he’s a little cautious and reserve. You are very independent, professional, educated, beautiful and smart. You live in an upper-middleclass neighborhood. He knows this, no need to reiterate. The sexy black dress you’re wearing forces the blood to leave his brain to travel down to his pants while he’s driving, but he’s able to conceal this natural occurence from you. You get more nods and one-word answers from him than you would like, but how he can concentrate when your legs look so delicious near the center consul? You almost make him feel like he’s out of his league, because you told him about the last few guys you dated who were doctors, lawyers, professional athletes and executives. He reaches behind his seat and surprisingly hands you a dozen roses and tells you how good you look, nervously. You thank him and instantly bring the roses to your nose to let him know you appreciate the gesture. He’s thinking he might have a shot at this otherwise, unbelievable woman.

We’re gonna fast forward to the end of the night for a minute. You filled your stomach with the most expensive dishes; you never threw one compliment his way and you find out his blue collar job is not what you want from a man, but worst he didn’t meet your education requirement, salary requirement, looks requirement, articulation requirement and height requirement. And you couldn’t understand why he drove a Nissan Sentra. Why the fuck did you go out with him then? To waste his money and time?

Ain’t nothing steamy about this damn post. I wanna know why women like to play these stupid ass games. 50% of professional black women are single and I’m just trying to find out the reasons behind this trend. I’m gonna try to be the voice for these brothers who come from all walks of life, but I need the women to be honest with themselves and the reasons they tend to overlook certain men. This is not to generalize all women, but too many women have this long checklist that they’re walking around with that keeps them single.

Ladies, holla!

Fellas, let them know how you feel!

These are some of the issues I will be addressing in my new book, What Women Need to Know About men.