Trust and Loyalty…

What do most black people know about trust and loyalty? Basically nothing!

Please allow me to elaborate… All relationships are built on trust and loyalty. Without trust and loyalty, there’s also no unity. As a race, black people have been duped so much by white people in every capacity and aspect of our lives, we never get a chance to experience trust and loyalty. White people have never been loyal to us, and they have violated our trust from the beginning of time. The police are supposed to protect us, but they murder us for no reason. The banks are supposed to help make our lives better by giving us the opportunity to purchase a home and provide security for family through hard work, but they only offer predatory loans, so they can take our house back after a few years. The justice department is supposed to hand out justice in a fair way, but there’s a discrepancy in sentencing and honesty in black arrests and convictions. All those things that white people supposedly claim they provide in a fair and balanced way, is undermined by white privilege. White people have screwed us royally and psychologically to no end. Our demise as a people started with slavery when our forefathers in Africa didn’t stand up to white tyranny.   How can a group of people unite when they don’t even trust one another, and have no loyalty to their own race? We can trace this predicament all the way back to slavery when white people pinned black people against each other, by kidnapping different tribes from different regions in Africa who couldn’t communicate with one another, because of language barriers. That’s just one aspect of it. We can also look at the House Negro versus the Field Negro, established perfectly by white people. We still have house Negroes today who feel that Trump is a great president. Kanye is not as much of an anomaly as most of us would like to believe. Sheriff Clarke and many others who aren’t as popular, support Trump privately. This stigma of “blind Negro syndrome” has very much to do with religion as well. However, I don’t want my blog to be about the way  white people have masterfully destroyed the black family and the black community. I want us to be aware of the changes we need to make, in order to build trust and loyalty among ourselves.

In personal relationships, we all become vulnerable at one point in time, because we are often meeting a stranger, and most often we have no idea where the stranger is coming from, or his/her intentions. You can’t trust somebody without becoming vulnerable first. In rare cases, many of us have managed to develop loving and amorous relationships with people we’ve known all our lives, who also grew up in the same community with us. That used to be how most couples met. The marriage rate was also much higher then, in the black community. We’d find a girl or a boy in the neighborhood that we start developing a crush on during our pubescent years, and if she/he feels the same way, a relationship usually ensues when we get a little older. The high school sweetheart most often ended up being the wife back then.  Those relationships with someone you grew up with, stand a better chance to last a lifetime, because we have been there all along to watch that person develop and grow in a way conducive to the reasons why we want to spend our lifetime with them. Still, it doesn’t mean that loyalty and trust aren’t tested in those relationships either. Too often couples outgrow each other intellectually, professionally and morally. Nowadays, we have even more of a difficult time developing relationships, because we are often attracted to strangers who move from one city to another, or one state to the next, and once they get there, they have the opportunity to create a new identity. By creating a new identity, I don’t mean that someone necessarily has to change his/her name, but there are certain characteristics a person can change about his/herself to attract the opposite sex that they couldn’t do around people who know them well. Most people move around nowadays, so that also gives them an opportunity to start fresh. The neighborhood dog or slut could become wholesome again in a new city. When you take into consideration online dating, there’s always potential for total failure in a relationship. There are so many fake characters on social media, sometimes I laugh when I see someone I know displaying a persona that I have no idea where it came from. It’s social media and everybody gets to become that person they always wanted to be, even when they’re not.

It’s bad enough that white folks created a wedge among us that has kept us from uniting for many centuries, but now we also have to deal sometimes with narcissistic people who can’t live up to the persona they have created, in order to gain someone’s love, trust and loyalty in a relationship.  Do people lie in general? Of course! However, there are plenty of people who have become so comfortable with lying, their pathology is accepted and normal to them. Trump lies on a daily basis, and millions of people have accepted his lies. Obama lied as well, and many of the other former presidents lied. From the time I was a kid, there has always been some kind of security threat against the US, but I have yet to see a security breach on US soil, except for the one orchestrated on 9/11. We have invaded many countries under the false pretense of security threat, and millions of innocent people have loss their lives. The US government has been lying to us since the beginning of time. Most Americans tend to rally behind them whenever they decide they want to murder a million people or two, under the false pretense of security threats. Our young men and women, whether black, Asian, Hispanic or white, are just too eager to join the Armed Forces to show their patriotism. They go overseas to risk their lives for a bunch of rich assholes who continue to drive the false narrative of National Security threat. You see, we have grown so much to accept living with the lies that shape our daily lives, we decided to elect the ultimate liar in Trump. Clinton also swore he never had sex with that woman, until Monica Lewinsky gave the world her dress stained with his semen as a memento. It is what it is. Many leaders around the world have been decapitated and assassinated under false pretenses and lies. I’m still baffled by the fact that Americans feel the Middle East is a threat to our country. We created Bin Laden, ISIS, and every other group that this government has told us is a threat to our national security. We funded, armed  and trained most of them. Many of us know this, but we don’t stand up to do anything about it. If all this is taking place around us, how in the world are we supposed to build trust in our personal relationships? The failed marriage rate is high in the black community because of lies, mistrust and disloyalty. You noticed I didn’t say divorce rate, right? That’s because there are just as many failed marriages in the black community as there are divorces. Many black couples never divorce, and they accept to live in a dysfunctional environment, sometimes for the sake of their children, and other times for financial reasons. Their children often grow up with those dysfunctions they are exposed to, and manage to normalize them in their own lives as adults. There are thousands of married couples living under the same roof that are dating and sleeping with other people.

Here’s the kicker, though: Black folks tend to associate money with happiness, a better upbringing, honesty, trust and loyalty. That couldn’t be further from the truth. You really believe a successful doctor or lawyer can’t be crooked? How do you explain so many of them behind bars or getting disbarred for doing illegal shit? Morality has nothing to do with intelligence. There are plenty intelligent people out there who lack morals, just as there are plenty high moral people out there who lack intelligence. Black people, though, face the most difficult obstacles when it comes to building trust and loyalty in a relationship. We don’t even trust our own enough to support them in business, clean up our own neighborhood, demand more from the teachers in our schools, and to make sure our politicians are held to the job they are elected to do on our behalf, and that attitude is often carried into our personal relationships. At night, while walking in any black neighborhood, if we see a group of young black people, we are often scared for no damn reason, and are usually looking for escape routes in our minds, way before a confrontation even takes place. We grow suspicious of one another so much, it takes away the energy needed to build trust with each other. Most of us, at one point in our lives, have experienced a broken heart, where someone violated our trust and was disloyal when we didn’t think it was possible. That one experience and situation alone can scar us for the rest of our lives. Some people develop insecurities that usually build them into the most pathological liars. And some people just want to be able to trust and let go. These are all difficult situations for people, but where do we start to develop trust and loyalty in the black community? I’m asking, because I don’t have the answers.

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