Hate is killing us!

It’s difficult to function in dysfunction. So many of us have grown up and gotten accustomed to dysfunction, we have no idea what functional means anymore. “To Err is human,” but too many of us have lived through the errors and failures of our parents and grandparents. Black folks hate to hear the word “failure,” but without acknowledging our failures, we cannot succeed. Failure is often the road to success, because it gives us the opportunity to learn from our mistakes. Hindsight is 20/20 and we can’t go back in time to correct our mistakes, so the best corrective action is acknowledgement. Some people still don’t get it, though, as millions of folks repeat the same mistakes over and over daily.
It’s easy for folks to address drug addiction and develop sympathy in their hearts for the victims, even when the victims have succumbed to drugs over and over again. “Relapse” is cautioned and it gives way to redemption in a way that most people have adhered to it as a way to forgive drug users. We’re even able to forgive murderers sometimes, but why is it so difficult for people to forgive love? Once our heart is wrapped up into that special person, we can become so possessive and so guarded, our love can turn to hate at the snap of a finger for the most minute incident.
In the black community, many people are suffering from hate addiction, and most of us don’t even know it. I’m not talking about the kind of hatred spewed by racist white people toward other groups for no reason. I’m talking about the hatred that we harbor toward one another in almost every aspect of our lives. Why do we hate each other so easily? Sometimes being head over heel for someone makes it that much easier to hate them when the flame of that love starts to flicker.
On a daily basis, I hear so many black men and women express their hatred for one another, I’m starting to wonder if the psychological scars of slavery are still playing a major role in the way we interact, treat, and love one another. I’ve seen hatred built from a simple act committed by one person against another in a relationship, after a couple has been together for many years. Something as simple as a missed phone call can drive some people over the edge, and destroy a perfectly loving relationship. Well, maybe not so perfect. I have seen couples who have been together for 20 years or more, grow to hate each other to the point where they can’t even be in the same room with each other. What can someone do to us that is so bad after 20 years of loving them that we can’t stand to be in the same room as them? Think about it, hate is way more powerful than love, because hate always trumps love so easily. No pun intended. A simple indiscretion can send a loving relationship into turmoil in a matter of seconds. It always seems like hate is always lurking, and we get so easily wrapped up in it, we can’t help our reaction to allow certain situations to become hateful.
I’m not gonna act all holier than thou and say I’ve never hated anybody because of what they’ve done to me, but I’m learning to suppress hate and give love a chance. Now, please understand from which perspective I’m coming from. I’m not advocating love toward those people who go out of their way to hate us for no goddamn reason, other than their prejudice and racism. Nah, that shit I will fight fire with fire! I’m talking about not allowing past relationships to affect the way our heart should function in current relationships. I’m talking about making up for those mistakes by becoming a better person to the next person we’re with. I’m talking about letting go of that dead weight that has held us down for no goddamn reason, and allowing ourselves to be the catalyst for anger toward a possible new love. Black folks are in need of healing, or atonement toward one another, if you will. We can no longer allow a past relationship with an ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, ex-husband or ex-boyfriend to determine how we’re going to love a current partner. No matter how painful we perceived a relationship to have been, we must heal ourselves enough in a way that will forgive those people, in order to start anew and give love another chance. We can’t cover hate with love, because hate will seep through and destroy our love again. If a relationship is not built on the foundation of love, hate will easily destroy it.
Even though I’ve written several books that highlight some of the best love stories, I’m usually not one to be talking about love personally and openly. I’m inspired by my daughters and the ability to allow myself to seek love and heal from my past. I have also been paying attention to my behavior and those around me, and I noticed that too many of us have allowed hate to win. We are harboring hatred toward people that we shouldn’t allow to have that much power over our lives. There are tons of people living rent free in our hurting hearts because of hatred. I have no idea what the recipe to overcome hatred is, but I know it feels a lot better to love than to hate. We should not allow white people to pass their inability to love everyone in the world on to us. We’ve seen so much hatred from them, we are subconsciously becoming a product of their influence. However, it is to our detriment that we’re allowing their inhumane habits to influence us.
We’ll never have a strong black community, if we are unable to forgive each other and look forward to love.

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